The birth of my two preemies

If this is your first time here, please read McKenzie's and Avery's birth stories!

McKenzie's birth story

Avery's birth story

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Dear Prematurity

Dear Prematurity,

In the last year and a half you have taken many things from me. You have taken my security and my hope that my pregnancy with Avery would be different. You took away my ability to be excited for the birth of my baby because nothing was guaranteed. You took away the excitement of going in to labor and replaced it with fear that my daughter might never get to know us or her sister and how much we love her. You took the smiles about expanding our family and replaced them with tears and fear. You took the security of home and replaced it with the uncertainty of the NICU. Some days it felt like you took more than I had to give and that I could no longer do it. As much as I hate you prematurity for all the things you took from me I want to Thank-you. Thank-you for all the amazing nurses and doctors you brought into my life. Thank-you for showing me that there are people in the world that care and that will lift you up when you feel like you can no longer lift yourself. Thank-you for bringing this amazing, spunky and fierce little fighter into my life. Thank-you for showing me that my husband is the single most caring person I have ever met in my life but dearest prematurity I want to thank-you most of all for showing me that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be in a million years.

I have spent the last 18 months hating myself and my body for the things you took from me but I will no longer hate myself because I realize I got way more from you than you ever took from me.


Friday, March 16, 2012

its that time again

Its that time of year again, time for me to raise money for the march of dimes. So here I am, after 4months of not blogging posting a blog asking for people to help me reach my goal by making a donation to me/my team in the March of dimes March for babies. Every year I walk in memory of McKenzie who was born sleeping at 33 weeks and Avery who was born premature at 27 weeks. I have 43 days left until my walk and I am hoping to meet (and maybe exceed) my $500 goal, so please help me do that by donating in memory of McKenzie and in honor of Avery and all babies born too early.
You can help me meet my goal but donating here:

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

please help your local food bank

This time of year is both a happy and sad time for us. I miss Kenzie more than words can express but really we have a lot to be thankful for. One of the things I am thankful for is food in our bellies, including on thanksgiving, but many families will be going without this year. The economy sucks and lines at the local food banks are longer than ever, one of the local food banks here has THOUSANDS of people hoping for and needing a free turkey and there just are not enough to go around. This year please consider buying a turkey to donate to a local food bank to help every family have a happy thanksgiving this year. Without peoples donations there will be families going without.

Monday, November 14, 2011

I don't really have much to say, or maybe I do

These days I feel like my mind is wandering a thousand miles a minute and I feel like I have sooooo many things to write/update about but when I sit down to actually do it I have nothing. Avery seems to be consuming life again, and Chloe is not into anything unless it is strictly on her terms. Both girls seem to be doing amazing, mischievous but amazing none the less.
  Avery, oh man I cannot believe that she is going on 13months already. She is a complete ham and total love. She is a hard core mama's girl and thinks that her world is ending if she isn't in my arms. She pulls herself to a stand and cruises all along the furniture and even lets go and stands independently. I thought for sure a couple of days ago she was going to take her first real step and she got very very close to it but fell. She is fast and if you turn around for a second she is into something. That girl is so nosey curious about EVERYTHING. Babbling is new in our world too, along with Mama and Dada constantly.
  Chloe, my little firecracker. So strong willed and hardheaded just like her mommy and daddy. Her Independence and hardheadedness make for some tough days sometimes. She no longer likes to take pictures (which is a lot of times why there are no new pics of her) and throws one hell of a tantrum. Smart beyond her years would be an understatement for this kid, she uses words in the correct context that are beyond her age. I honestly didn't realize that a 3.5 year old could be so sneaky, but damnit if Chloe isn't going to prove that to me. She cannot be left unsupervised in any room for more than maybe a minute, two minutes tops or she will sneak into things. I love her so much, and she is such a cuddle bug when she wants to be.
  As for me, I'm kind of just eh. This time of year always sucks for me. I kind of feel pulled in a million different directions. My emotions are all over the map, I am so sad that my holidays will never include all of my girls but at the same time I am so happy to have Avery and Chloe here with me. Then I start to feel guilty about being happy and I feel guilty for being sad, like no matter what I do I am being an unfair mom to someone. On top of the holidays and missing Kenzie all the damn "my first thanksgiving" and "my first Christmas" shit is out and it kind of stings a little lot. These are our first holidays with Avery home but because of stupid ass prematurity it isn't her first holidays, someone needs to make onesies that say "my first thanksgiving home from the NICU" and "my first Christmas home from the NICU". Did I mention I may still be having some bitter feelings about the whole preemie thing?! Phillip and I are doing pretty good, we really need to work on making time to spend together as a married couple not just as a family though. He is working in Stockton now, it is a longer drive (but not by much) but it is sooooo much better for our marriage that he works there. When he was working here in town he was so unhappy with the environment that he would come home grouchy and it would spill over into home life and was affecting our marriage pretty negatively. Now working in Stockton the shop is busy almost all the time and it is much faster paced and he is much happier. He comes home in a good mood, less irritable and just generally nicer. Plus it helps that he should be getting a raise too :).

Sunday, November 6, 2011

prematurity awareness month

November is prematurity awareness month with the 17th being prematurity awareness day. On the 17th please wear a purple ribbon to show support and raise awareness in honor of Avery and all babies born early.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Happy 1st Birthday Avery June

Wow, 1 year already. I cannot believe that you are a year old already, you really are my little miracle.

Monday, October 17, 2011

to my dearest daughters

Dear Chloe,
My little fireball, you are the most strong willed and hard headed person I have ever met. You remind me so much of myself when I was little. I cannot believe that you are 3.5 years old already. You have grown up so much so fast and I love you so much. Our time together is more precious than diamonds and I love when we get to spend time just the two of us. Your imagination and creativity are so far beyond what I could have ever expected of you. You remind me so much of your papa, so smart that you are devious. The world is your playground and I am so glad that I get to watch you grow and explore and become a person that is kind, loving and unique. You changed my life, you made me a mommy and you have not stopped turning my world upside down every since. I can't imagine not having you in my life. Always remember baby, you are my girl, you are special and amazing and worth the entire world. I love you more and more everyday, to the moon and baby baby girl.

Love always,

Dear McKenzie,
You are my angel. You are with me every moment of everyday. Every time your sisters wake up smiling I know its because of you. I know that they feel you with everything in them. You watch over us, all of us. You are the guardian angel to your sisters. I know that you protect them and keep them safe for me. I miss you with every second that passes and when I think about living the rest of my life without you it takes my breath away. I close my eyes and think about you and I see you in my dreams. When I take that extra time for and extra long blink its because I see you when I close my eyes and I don't want to open them. I just want to keep them closed and watch you forever. I remember every detail of you, and the way you felt so perfect in my arms. I love you my little angel, to the moon and back.

love always,

Dear Avery,
My little bit. You came into our lives and completely changed our world. You were the smallest baby I had ever seen. I couldn't believe that the tiny little baby with a baseball sized head was mine. You have been a fighter since day one. You have proved to everyone that you my dear may have the Hunt last name but baby girl you are a Littlefield through and through. You have always done things in your own time and just when we want to throw our hands up you prove to us that patience is a virtue that maybe we need a little more of. You captured the hearts of your daddy and I. You turned your sister's world completely upside down and backwards and you do it with a smile. You are going to do amazing things someday baby. I love you to the moon and back.

Love always,

To all 3 of my girls,
You have made me the proudest mommy in the whole world. When I think about how amazing and lucky I am I feel like my heart might burst from joy. My eyes fill with tears because I know just how much you have enriched my life. The world will be a better place having had you girls here. Thank you for making me a better person!