I don't really have much to say, or maybe I do

These days I feel like my mind is wandering a thousand miles a minute and I feel like I have sooooo many things to write/update about but when I sit down to actually do it I have nothing. Avery seems to be consuming life again, and Chloe is not into anything unless it is strictly on her terms. Both girls seem to be doing amazing, mischievous but amazing none the less.
  Avery, oh man I cannot believe that she is going on 13months already. She is a complete ham and total love. She is a hard core mama's girl and thinks that her world is ending if she isn't in my arms. She pulls herself to a stand and cruises all along the furniture and even lets go and stands independently. I thought for sure a couple of days ago she was going to take her first real step and she got very very close to it but fell. She is fast and if you turn around for a second she is into something. That girl is so nosey curious about EVERYTHING. Babbling is new in our world too, along with Mama and Dada constantly.
  Chloe, my little firecracker. So strong willed and hardheaded just like her mommy and daddy. Her Independence and hardheadedness make for some tough days sometimes. She no longer likes to take pictures (which is a lot of times why there are no new pics of her) and throws one hell of a tantrum. Smart beyond her years would be an understatement for this kid, she uses words in the correct context that are beyond her age. I honestly didn't realize that a 3.5 year old could be so sneaky, but damnit if Chloe isn't going to prove that to me. She cannot be left unsupervised in any room for more than maybe a minute, two minutes tops or she will sneak into things. I love her so much, and she is such a cuddle bug when she wants to be.
  As for me, I'm kind of just eh. This time of year always sucks for me. I kind of feel pulled in a million different directions. My emotions are all over the map, I am so sad that my holidays will never include all of my girls but at the same time I am so happy to have Avery and Chloe here with me. Then I start to feel guilty about being happy and I feel guilty for being sad, like no matter what I do I am being an unfair mom to someone. On top of the holidays and missing Kenzie all the damn "my first thanksgiving" and "my first Christmas" shit is out and it kind of stings a little lot. These are our first holidays with Avery home but because of stupid ass prematurity it isn't her first holidays, someone needs to make onesies that say "my first thanksgiving home from the NICU" and "my first Christmas home from the NICU". Did I mention I may still be having some bitter feelings about the whole preemie thing?! Phillip and I are doing pretty good, we really need to work on making time to spend together as a married couple not just as a family though. He is working in Stockton now, it is a longer drive (but not by much) but it is sooooo much better for our marriage that he works there. When he was working here in town he was so unhappy with the environment that he would come home grouchy and it would spill over into home life and was affecting our marriage pretty negatively. Now working in Stockton the shop is busy almost all the time and it is much faster paced and he is much happier. He comes home in a good mood, less irritable and just generally nicer. Plus it helps that he should be getting a raise too :).