the girl that was pregnant the same time as me (remember she named her daughter Renesme) has 3 kids (6,3, and 9ish months). She just announced that she is pregnant and due in september. I am so sad and jealous. I am sad for me, and just so jealous because she has 3 healthy kids and is having another one. i know its not right for me to be jealous and i will get over it, it just stings a little right now because she just announced.
i am so angry at myself for my body failing. Angry that i have to go to the cemetary to visit my daughter. I am just so far beyond sad for myself and because i cant give phillip the family that i know he really wants. i suck.
i am so angry at myself for my body failing. Angry that i have to go to the cemetary to visit my daughter. I am just so far beyond sad for myself and because i cant give phillip the family that i know he really wants. i suck.
5 comments:
Hi Laura, this is Hannah, and you have every right to feel sad and Jealous. I am grateful for every minute Renesme and I share together. What happened to you could have happened to us too, it was my third child, and my third C section as well. My heart ached right along with you and I spent the rest of my pregnancy so scared that I could lose my child as well. I know this pregnancy is gonna be horrible because I am gonna be so scared all the time. I promise you that I do not take my kids for granted and know everyday that some people havent been as lucky as me. I will never be angry with you for feeling the way you feel. I will never be able to understand what you went through but I want you to know we were friends before all of this and I love you, and value you as a person. I am so sorry that me being pregnant seemed to just be tossed out there as an afterthought, as though it was no big deal. This was not my intention, and I hope that you know that I would never flaunt my pregnancy like that.
this has nothing to do with you taking your kids for granted or flaunting a pregnancy. this is about me and how i feel right this second, this i a place for me to put my feelings no matter what they be.
Your right it is, the only thing I meant to convey to you was that you were right to feel that way. Sorry that you saw it as me making it be about me. I dont have anything else to say so, again Im sorry
This blog really made me cry.I dont wanna say to much cause I dont wanna make you upset.But I know that feeling. I was kinda sad and jealous when I found out she was pregnant again.I have not just her but 4 others around me pregnant.i get jealous and sad everytime I hear anyone is pregnant.i to feel that my body has failed at the one thing it should know how to do.I cant carry a baby and I know that david wants a family as much as the next person and I dont know if im that person that can do that for him.its hearbreaking.But yeah I said I didnt wanna say to much and ended up rambling.I'm sorry.
UGH! Is it me? or is EVERYONE freakin pregnant right now?! Jealousness and angry come with the territory here (almost daily it seems) but it comes in waves..talking about it helps and its just so great that you have this outlet to see what you need to say!
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