i try

written on 5/19

i try to hold back all the tears i have. Trying to be strong for my family, but i see her name, i read her name, i think her name, and even if i say her name i cry. I cry because in the next week i know i am burrying my daughter. that isnt supposed to happen. parents arnt supposed to have to burry their children. SHe was so beautiful, its not fair. I told everyone that she was going to look just like me, and she did, but i dont get to keep her. I am angry, angry that i failed her. I as her mother am supposed to protect and take care of her and i didnt, i failed her. My body failed her. I cry because i know i physically cant have anymore kids. I am failing my husband, not just my daughter but i failed everyone