lately i find that the days that i spend crying are few and far between, usually set off by a specific and significant date or something like that. So am i actually healing or am i just forgetting. Im so glad that i dont spend every waking minute crying from the pain, the pain that only another mother that has suffered like this can understand. But i dont want to forget either, i dont want to forget her beautiful sweet face with her little butt chin. I dont want to forget the way she used to kick me all night and sleep all day! I dont ever want those memories to disappear. Her long skinny feet, just the opposite of her big sisters chubby feet. Her tiny hands and long ET fingers that i wrapped around my finger as i rubbed her little hands. Her beautiful black hair with a read tint/glow. for the first time ever phillip and i talked about McKenzie and her birth and death and it didnt reduce me to tears, and i feel so guilty for it.
The pain of the fact that chloe will probably never have a living sibling is more a reality now than it ever has been before.
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