ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I just needed to get that out. I knew having 2 kids was going to be hard (especially after what we went through to bring her home), but man I didn't think it was going to be this hard. Both girls are sick, and after a trip and a few hours spent in the ER we found out Avery is RSV negative (YAYYYYY) but we had to take her to the pedi today to follow up with her breathing. Avery's pediatrition is out of town until monday so we had to see a different doctor, and ended up needing a nebulizer and breathing treatments for her. We have to do her treatments every 3hrs.
   When i called Avery's doctor's office and they gave me the number and name of the doctor we needed to see today my heart sank. I knew Avery needed to be seen but I REALLY did not want to go to this doctor. She is really kind and everyone i know that goes there really likes her. My problem is, she was the on call pediatrition the night McKenzie was born, she is the doctor that worked on my baby for 30mins trying to get her to breathe, she is the doctor that called my daughter's time of death, she is the doctor that came out to tell my husband and MIL that my daughter died. Sigh, out of all the times to bring up those emotions it had to be when my tiny little preemie is really sick.
   Anyway, Chloe is having a VERY hard time right now. She herself is sick and wants extra mommy time, but Avery NEEDS me to take care of her, feed her, and do her breathing treatments. It is so hard to split my mommy time between the girls. Avery is not feeling well so she wants nothing but to be held so I spend a lot of time doing things one handed so that I can hold her too (kind of like writing this blog).
   I am sleeping in 1-1.5hr stretches right now. Between diaper change, bottle, nebulizer, burping and getting her back situated like she needs every 3hrs it leaves very little time for sleep.

 I am so tired, but honestly couldn't imagine my family any other way!