the closer it gets, the more sad i get

to october that is. i should be so happy, with phillip and my birthdays plus our 2nd wedding anniversay in october. Plus on top of that we are supposed to have our yearly family pics done in october. The key word there being SUPPOSED. Now with everything else happening we cant afford to have them done and really my heart breaks with i think about my family pictures because this year there should be 2 beautiful baby girls in my family photos, but instead there wont be. This year sucks, i hate it and i just want to sleep through the rest of it. this is the time of year that i should be at my happiest, and yet i am more depressed about the impending birthdays/anniversarys/ and holidays than ever.