oops, its not friday anymore but i figured i would still post my i am thankful post. so here it is.
i am thankful for...
* phillip
* chloe
* mckenzie
* my mom and sister (they have been awesome with taking chloe over nights)
* my BOTB and MB girls that keep me sane, when sometimes i have nothing positive to say
* Navy (stephanie) whom i have come to find recently is a really awesome person
* my MIL, she really has helped us a lot
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Putting myself out there again
i have decided to put myself out there again and make the blog public. why? im not really sure, but i did. So now everyone that wants to read it can, but i have blocked anonymous blog comments.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
waiting to be un-broken
i have my first therapy session schedualed for 2/2/10 at 5:45pm and a doctors appointment to see about anti-depressants schedualed for 2/25/10 (the earliest they could get me in). So now i just wait to be un-broken.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Phillip and Laura....a love story...of sorts
Phillip and i originally met in high school senior year, 2003. We were both high school "screw ups" and ended up at a continuation high school. I was there for truancy and he was there for fighting, although he will point out that he never ever started a fight, he just finished them. We met because we rode the same bus, and actually sat pretty close together. He was always talking to the bus driver and i was always in my own world talking to my friends. While sitting there i would always have one ear on his conversations because i love love love his deep voice. Little did i know he always had one ear on my conversations because, well he thought i was cute!
After high school we went our separate ways, him to work and me to get in a HORRIBLE relationship. I used to see him all over town driving in his trans AM secretly thinking his car was HOT. When he would see me we would exchange a wave and a smile.
In late 2006/early 2007 i got a friend request from him on Myspace, i was actually really surprised he remembered who i was since it had been a while since i had seen him (even around town). We exchanged messages and IMs for a while and then traded numbers. We exchanged text messages and phone calls for MONTHS while he tried to get me to go on a date with him. I was very hesitant to go out with him because of how bad my last relationship was (not fair, i know). We continued to talk for a long time and he sent me a dozen roses at work, with a card that said "your worth whatever it takes" and i knew that he was different and that i had to give him a chance. I was falling in love with him, before we ever even went on a date. On May 19th 2007 i came out to his papa's shop while he was working on his trans AM and had our first "date". It wasn't your traditional date, but it was awesome. We stayed out until the wee hours of the morning talking and having a good time. I knew that i was in love with him, i fell fast and hard for him. We dated for a couple of months before we exchanged "i love yous" and he gave me a promise ring. We talked about wanting to get married someday, and neither one of us wanted a big wedding when we did get married.
On September 1st 2007 we found out i was pregnant, ever emotion under the sun came over me, and i was so scared. We both knew we wanted kids SOME DAY, but not this soon. On October 28th 2007 we "eloped" in Reno (only our parents and my sister knew we were doing it) and i can honestly say, i would totally do it again.
Everyday i fall more and more in love with him and our marriage is amazing, we have been through a lot together but he will always be "my knight in shinning, grease covered coveralls". People tend to judge us and don't think it will last because we are so young and our relationship was so fast but i guess we will just smile and laugh together as we prove everyone wrong!
After high school we went our separate ways, him to work and me to get in a HORRIBLE relationship. I used to see him all over town driving in his trans AM secretly thinking his car was HOT. When he would see me we would exchange a wave and a smile.
In late 2006/early 2007 i got a friend request from him on Myspace, i was actually really surprised he remembered who i was since it had been a while since i had seen him (even around town). We exchanged messages and IMs for a while and then traded numbers. We exchanged text messages and phone calls for MONTHS while he tried to get me to go on a date with him. I was very hesitant to go out with him because of how bad my last relationship was (not fair, i know). We continued to talk for a long time and he sent me a dozen roses at work, with a card that said "your worth whatever it takes" and i knew that he was different and that i had to give him a chance. I was falling in love with him, before we ever even went on a date. On May 19th 2007 i came out to his papa's shop while he was working on his trans AM and had our first "date". It wasn't your traditional date, but it was awesome. We stayed out until the wee hours of the morning talking and having a good time. I knew that i was in love with him, i fell fast and hard for him. We dated for a couple of months before we exchanged "i love yous" and he gave me a promise ring. We talked about wanting to get married someday, and neither one of us wanted a big wedding when we did get married.
On September 1st 2007 we found out i was pregnant, ever emotion under the sun came over me, and i was so scared. We both knew we wanted kids SOME DAY, but not this soon. On October 28th 2007 we "eloped" in Reno (only our parents and my sister knew we were doing it) and i can honestly say, i would totally do it again.
Everyday i fall more and more in love with him and our marriage is amazing, we have been through a lot together but he will always be "my knight in shinning, grease covered coveralls". People tend to judge us and don't think it will last because we are so young and our relationship was so fast but i guess we will just smile and laugh together as we prove everyone wrong!
Friday, January 15, 2010
i am thankful week2
this week i am thankful for...
* phillip, he has totally been there for me and not judged anything i have told him
* chloe, i love hearing her say "i love you momma" and everything else she talks to me about
* Trish, she has encouraged me and been there for me through all that i am dealing with
* my mom and sister, just for being them
* susan, she just knows
* all of my BOTB and MB ladies there for me every.single.day
* for being able to get the help and therapy that i need to be a better wife and mom to my family
* McKenzie Lee Hunt who was born 8 months ago today!
* phillip, he has totally been there for me and not judged anything i have told him
* chloe, i love hearing her say "i love you momma" and everything else she talks to me about
* Trish, she has encouraged me and been there for me through all that i am dealing with
* my mom and sister, just for being them
* susan, she just knows
* all of my BOTB and MB ladies there for me every.single.day
* for being able to get the help and therapy that i need to be a better wife and mom to my family
* McKenzie Lee Hunt who was born 8 months ago today!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
putting it out there
Today i went to mental health. I went there to get the referrals that i need to get the help i need. I have now been referred for individual therapy, and i even had my phone screening already. I should be expecting a paper in the mail sometime in the next week with a provider name and number on it for me to call and start scheduling therapy sessions.
I am also trying to get an appointment with a doctor because they also want to start me on some anti-depressants.
Hopefully i will be getting back to normal, or better than normal soon. I think the therapy is really going to help because i think i have been holding on to things for so long (like my dad's death for the last 14yrs), maybe talking will make it better.
i don't really know but at least i can let everything out here and keep track of my thoughts and "progress" somewhere.
I am also trying to get an appointment with a doctor because they also want to start me on some anti-depressants.
Hopefully i will be getting back to normal, or better than normal soon. I think the therapy is really going to help because i think i have been holding on to things for so long (like my dad's death for the last 14yrs), maybe talking will make it better.
i don't really know but at least i can let everything out here and keep track of my thoughts and "progress" somewhere.
Monday, January 11, 2010
realizing that i am depressed
the thing that most made me realize that i am depressed and it isnt a phase that i am just going to snap out of (besides all of the awesome reading material from a friend), was when i started having constant thoughts of leaving. Running away and not comming back because about 99% of the time i think that phillip and chloe would be better off if i did. When those thoughts started becoming daily all consuming thought i realized that isnt a rational way of thinking and there is really something wrong. I know i need help and i thank everyone who is helping me along the way!
Friday, January 8, 2010
what do you want to know about me?
is there anything that you want to know about me? Nothing is off limits and i will answer honestly. So ask away, if there is anything you want to know that is.
i am thankful for...
New year, new start. So in celebration of a new year this is my thankful post.
i am thankful for...
* Phillip, "my knight in shining grease covered clothes". Somedays he is the only one who understands
* Chloe, that girl can make me smile no matter how bad of a mood i am in.
* my family, most of the time anyway,
* my crazy internet friends, where would i be without a bunch of crazies encouraging me every single day!
* kenzie, i am thankful for the 33weeks she was with me and the way she touched me
i know there are more things that i am thankful for, but these are what i consider to be the most important. So i think maybe i will make my thankful post a friday feature to remind me every week just what amazing things i have going!
i am thankful for...
* Phillip, "my knight in shining grease covered clothes". Somedays he is the only one who understands
* Chloe, that girl can make me smile no matter how bad of a mood i am in.
* my family, most of the time anyway,
* my crazy internet friends, where would i be without a bunch of crazies encouraging me every single day!
* kenzie, i am thankful for the 33weeks she was with me and the way she touched me
i know there are more things that i am thankful for, but these are what i consider to be the most important. So i think maybe i will make my thankful post a friday feature to remind me every week just what amazing things i have going!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
depression, its a real thing
last night i finally got the balls to tell phillip just how depressed i really am. It as really hard for me to have to admit it but im glad i did, maybe now i will be on my way to bigger and better things.
I explained to him that Im not happy, i try to force myself to be but im not. I dont sleep, sometimes as little as 3 or 4 hours in a 48 hour span. I fall asleep everywhere at random times because i dont sleep normally. When i do actually sleep for more than a couple of hours i am so tired that i cant get out of bed or even open my eyes for that matter. Im irritable and mean and find myself getting upset at chloe over nothing. I have to take myself out of situations with her because i cant control it and i dont want to be mean to her. I cry every day, multiple times a day and i cant help it, i cry over nothing and everything all at the same time. I have to force myself to eat at least once a day, or i forget because im never hungry. I dont haver the will or the want to do anything ever. I dont enjoy going anywhere or doing anything anymore. I dont like to talk to people and avoid seeing anyone like the plague.
Sometimes i even wonder what it would be like for phillip and chloe if i just up and ran away and never came back. Sometimes i think they would be better off. I love them both with all of my heart and soul and i want to get better for me and for them. But i just cant do it on my own anymore, im losing this battle.
I explained to him that Im not happy, i try to force myself to be but im not. I dont sleep, sometimes as little as 3 or 4 hours in a 48 hour span. I fall asleep everywhere at random times because i dont sleep normally. When i do actually sleep for more than a couple of hours i am so tired that i cant get out of bed or even open my eyes for that matter. Im irritable and mean and find myself getting upset at chloe over nothing. I have to take myself out of situations with her because i cant control it and i dont want to be mean to her. I cry every day, multiple times a day and i cant help it, i cry over nothing and everything all at the same time. I have to force myself to eat at least once a day, or i forget because im never hungry. I dont haver the will or the want to do anything ever. I dont enjoy going anywhere or doing anything anymore. I dont like to talk to people and avoid seeing anyone like the plague.
Sometimes i even wonder what it would be like for phillip and chloe if i just up and ran away and never came back. Sometimes i think they would be better off. I love them both with all of my heart and soul and i want to get better for me and for them. But i just cant do it on my own anymore, im losing this battle.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
sleep...its overrated anyway
i just want a decent nights sleep, that's all I'm asking for. i ha vent slept good in going on 8months, i find myself exhausted and irritated A LOT. There are times that i sleep for a grand total of 3hrs in a 48hr period, that cant possibly be healthy. I'm in pain almost all the time in my back, neck and shoulders so that doesn't help either. Sigh, i just want to feel normal, rested and pain free again!
Friday, January 1, 2010
a message to all of my readers
Here on blogger i can only have 100 readers invited to my private blog, and i am nearing that number. So before i go and move to a different site to keep my blog going i am asking for a favor from all of you. If you read this blog and would like to continue reading please leave me a comment on this post to let me know. On monday i will be "weeding out" anyone who hasnt left a comment/no longer reads to try and keep my blog here. If everyone leaves a comment i will start looking into moving my blog somewhere that allows me to have more private readers! Thank-you all for your love and support on this journey.
Laura
Laura
2009 a year in review/pictures
January....
a new picture of our new baby!!!
February...
chloe's very first valentines day, and spending more and more time at auntie's house
and we got another beautiful photo of our baby to come....
march.....
its a girl (we officially found out) McKenzie Lee Hunt was on her way!!!!...
chloe was conquering new obstacles.....
april.......
chloe celebrated her first easter AND her first birthday!
and McKenzie was making her presence known!
May......
we took chloe to the zoo and celebrated Mother's day there....
and McKenzie was born and layed to rest....
june.....
some good times and some bad, including a trip for chloe to the ER
july......
chloe played in the pool and water a TON, and we even got a free picture session at picture peoples!
august.....
chloe spent a lot of time at nana's apartment and we took her on her very first picnic. She even tried a park swing for the first time!
september....
we totaled our truck and i got a nice big bruise from it....
we went on our first date in a LONG TIME, and i was given the most beautiful necklace that was made by an amazing friend!
October......
November....
november was nothing short of busy! we got our new family pictures taken (thanks to all of my AMAZING BOTB ladies). Made a trip to southern california for my cousin's funeral and Phillip got staples in his head!
december.....
christmas! and the christmas parade....
so long 2009!
a new picture of our new baby!!!
February...
chloe's very first valentines day, and spending more and more time at auntie's house
and we got another beautiful photo of our baby to come....
march.....
its a girl (we officially found out) McKenzie Lee Hunt was on her way!!!!...
chloe was conquering new obstacles.....
april.......
chloe celebrated her first easter AND her first birthday!
and McKenzie was making her presence known!
May......
we took chloe to the zoo and celebrated Mother's day there....
and McKenzie was born and layed to rest....
june.....
some good times and some bad, including a trip for chloe to the ER
july......
chloe played in the pool and water a TON, and we even got a free picture session at picture peoples!
august.....
chloe spent a lot of time at nana's apartment and we took her on her very first picnic. She even tried a park swing for the first time!
september....
we totaled our truck and i got a nice big bruise from it....
we went on our first date in a LONG TIME, and i was given the most beautiful necklace that was made by an amazing friend!
October......
November....
november was nothing short of busy! we got our new family pictures taken (thanks to all of my AMAZING BOTB ladies). Made a trip to southern california for my cousin's funeral and Phillip got staples in his head!
december.....
christmas! and the christmas parade....
so long 2009!
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