last night i finally got the balls to tell phillip just how depressed i really am. It as really hard for me to have to admit it but im glad i did, maybe now i will be on my way to bigger and better things.
I explained to him that Im not happy, i try to force myself to be but im not. I dont sleep, sometimes as little as 3 or 4 hours in a 48 hour span. I fall asleep everywhere at random times because i dont sleep normally. When i do actually sleep for more than a couple of hours i am so tired that i cant get out of bed or even open my eyes for that matter. Im irritable and mean and find myself getting upset at chloe over nothing. I have to take myself out of situations with her because i cant control it and i dont want to be mean to her. I cry every day, multiple times a day and i cant help it, i cry over nothing and everything all at the same time. I have to force myself to eat at least once a day, or i forget because im never hungry. I dont haver the will or the want to do anything ever. I dont enjoy going anywhere or doing anything anymore. I dont like to talk to people and avoid seeing anyone like the plague.
Sometimes i even wonder what it would be like for phillip and chloe if i just up and ran away and never came back. Sometimes i think they would be better off. I love them both with all of my heart and soul and i want to get better for me and for them. But i just cant do it on my own anymore, im losing this battle.
2 comments:
Sounds like it's time to share this with your doctor. They have some medications that may help you. Are your HAND meetings helping at all? Can you change things in your lifestyle that might help? Hope you feel better soon.
I know we dont talk much but I know how your feeling.My reason for being depressed is different then yours.But I have been dealing with m depression since I was a teenager. What I've learned is NOT to push the most important people in you life away. Cause no matter how much you tell yourself you dont need them or they dont need you,your wrong.They do need you and you do need them. I've pushed my husband away so much we were on our way to divorce. I've done stupid things to just forget it all. But I will tell you,you have taken the right step by telling your husband cause now he can understand whats going on with you. Its not always the easiest thing but its the best.And I promise no matter how you feel or what you think it will all get better..baby steps is all it takes and you started.And if you need someone to vent to I'm always here.
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