it wont be fair

Phillip and I have been talking about the future (not the real near future). We obviously are waiting AT LEAST a year before we even consider trying to have more kids. For more that one reason, but the most obvious is the fact that it would probably kill me to try any sooner. Well we were talking about possible future kids and it dawned on my that if/when we do have more kids it is not going to be fair. With both Chloe and McKenzie's pregnancies it was a celebration the entire time, then with what happened to me and McKenzie at almost 33wks. We realized that most people worry about the first 12wks, but then there are people like me that will have to worry until the day i have any future babies. If/when we do get pregnant again i fear that everyone will be on pins and needles the entire time. That sucks, because if/when we do get pregnant again we will not be telling anyone until after 12wks (just like we did with kenzie) and after that i want people to celebrate and be joyful at the prospect of new life. We cant live in fear of the possibilities or we will never truely live. Hmmm. just something i have been thinking about.