i hate the fact that my life and future are in that little gray area of something that should be black & white. Through all of this i have learned many things, one of which is there really is no such thing as just black and white, there will always be that little gray area. My life right now is completely in that gray area with a very uncertain future. I have no idea what my lie ahead. I hate that it is unclear weather or not we can even have future children, i feel like if i was told with all certainty that i could not have more kids, i could greive, deal with it and move on. But once again i am in that gray area, where i am told that i can PROBABLY have more kids after waiting AT LEAST a year, but really nobody is sure or can guarntee that. There is no guarntee that i could even get pregnant in the first place or even sustain a pregnancy once i do get pregnant. I have been keeping track of my cycle lengths just to get to know my body again, so that i know what the hell it is doing. I used to (before chloe and kenzie) have perfect 28day cycles, my first one PP after kenzie was somewhere around 30days, and this last one was 26days. My body is still trying to get its shit together and be normal.
My future with my family is uncertain for sure, i have phillip, chloe, my mom and my sister and that is about it. The rest of my family is non-existant, the only time i hear from them is every december for my dad's familys ornament exchange or for birthday parties that i have been invited to, never do i get an email or even just a facebook message. Although i guess it is a 2way street that i am not driving on either.
Somedays i wish life was easier and that bad things didnt happen, but i guess if life was easy and bad things didnt happen we wouldnt be who we are.
i guess it is true what they say... there are only 2 guarnteed things in life...death and taxes!
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