NICU, day 40

We had our hand meeting tonight, which i very much enjoyed (thanks ladies). After our hand meeting i figured i would be a little late to Avery's feed but could still try and breastfeed because her feed is timed over an hour. Nope, today they changed the orders and she is no longer fed over an hour, she i just fed like normal so i missed out on breastfeeding. The nurse told me that the day shift nurse (we all know how i feel about day shift) tried to nipple feed Avery today but said she was too sleepy and had no interest :(.  I am so bummed and feel like it would take a true miracle to have her home by Christmas. They tried to wean her oxygen down to 21% but she did not tolerate it at all so they had to put her back at 25%, I really feel like sh is not going to be able to wean off if it. They increased her feeding to 38mL and she is tolerating it well.

Right now I just feel like we are in a rut and stuck, i know that she isn't taking steps back and that is good but i guess i had my hope up higher than i thought about having her home for Christmas and I feel like crying.