today is a hard day

today seem to be a very hard day for me. i should still be pregnant, i should have 3wks left until my angel makes her grand entrance into the world. At the same time i sit her and look at chloe and think that i should have a 16 day old baby to take care of, i should be dealing with all the same things that every mom of 2 under 2 is dealing with, but im not. Instead i sit her and cry and wonder how the hell we are going to be able to have our daughters funeral paid completely off in the next 60days. Its not fair, no mother should ever have to burry their child. I will never get to watch her grow up, see her personality, plan her birthday parties. I am never going to gt to watch her graduate, prom shop with her and watch her get married to the man of her dreams. No mother should ever have to feel the anger, hurt and sadness that i feel. No mother should ever have to watch as the burry a casket that small, they shouldnt even make them that small, its just not fair. Its not fair that my life will never be normal again, i can eventually have what i will consider normal for the circumstance but i will never again have the normal life i once knew. I feel like the depression is getting the best of me, but how do i know if it is or not? I choose most of the time not to leave my house unless i have to, and even then i try to only leave at night unless its for an appt that i have to go to. i guess today is just a really rough day, heres hoping for a better tomorrow.