The birth of my two preemies

If this is your first time here, please read McKenzie's and Avery's birth stories!

McKenzie's birth story

Avery's birth story

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

the first time in a long time

Friday i went with my mom and spent the day, while i was with her we went and saw some of our old neighbors (that we are still friends with). Well we stopped by and talked to Y and V (childhood friends/neighbors) and for the first time in about 8 months or so someone asked me about Kenzie without knowing. Y asked me where my other one was, and i was a little bit confused about what she meant (thinking she knew about Kenzie, because her mom was at the funeral). My mom thought she was talking about Phillip, so i asked her. She told me "didnt you have another baby?" and i replied "nope, i just have chloe". Never in a million years did i ever think that i would deny McKenzie, i denied her like she never existed and i instantly felt overwhelming guilt about it. I was having a rough day and i just couldnt go into details about it, and on top of that i didnt want to make her feel bad for not knowing about it. I didnt want to see the look of pitty and i didnt want her to feel sorry for me, so i said no. It is the first time i have ever (that i remember) denied my daughter. I guess i thought that being this far out i wouldnt have to come across that situation anymore and that everyone would know already.

2 comments:

Trish said...

Oh honey, don't feel guilty. You could never, ever deny your daughter's existence. But there is something to be said for avoiding talking about a painful subject that you've had to talk about over and over again. It sounds like you were caught off guard, and really... you don't owe anyone an explanation, and I think your answer was a fine way to not have to talk about it again. (((HUGS))) -Trish

Susan said...

Sweetie, you didn't deny Kenzie. You said what you had to do to protect you, Chloe and McKenzie.