Tuesday, February 16, 2010
the first time in a long time
Friday i went with my mom and spent the day, while i was with her we went and saw some of our old neighbors (that we are still friends with). Well we stopped by and talked to Y and V (childhood friends/neighbors) and for the first time in about 8 months or so someone asked me about Kenzie without knowing. Y asked me where my other one was, and i was a little bit confused about what she meant (thinking she knew about Kenzie, because her mom was at the funeral). My mom thought she was talking about Phillip, so i asked her. She told me "didnt you have another baby?" and i replied "nope, i just have chloe". Never in a million years did i ever think that i would deny McKenzie, i denied her like she never existed and i instantly felt overwhelming guilt about it. I was having a rough day and i just couldnt go into details about it, and on top of that i didnt want to make her feel bad for not knowing about it. I didnt want to see the look of pitty and i didnt want her to feel sorry for me, so i said no. It is the first time i have ever (that i remember) denied my daughter. I guess i thought that being this far out i wouldnt have to come across that situation anymore and that everyone would know already.
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2 comments:
Oh honey, don't feel guilty. You could never, ever deny your daughter's existence. But there is something to be said for avoiding talking about a painful subject that you've had to talk about over and over again. It sounds like you were caught off guard, and really... you don't owe anyone an explanation, and I think your answer was a fine way to not have to talk about it again. (((HUGS))) -Trish
Sweetie, you didn't deny Kenzie. You said what you had to do to protect you, Chloe and McKenzie.
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